beginning.

So im starting a blog. I think this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. Seems how everyone is nosey and likes to read things that are about them in a way that doesnt even have to be a bad thing and they are coming un done. Well oh well bitch, I have a lot to say and Its time I start to say it. Even if it is just over the internet. Bottoms up. 

My name is Chelsea. Epic I know. All that build up for a sentence with  my name in it. Like what happened to the secrets?! Regardless I'm 21 which is weirder than the fact that I have 3 kids been married divorced and engaged all before I hit that number. I still drive around by passing every liquor store like I cant get in them. And then turn right around and get bitter with the guy at the register when he asks for my ID like bitch Im 21 I have been able to buy cigarettes for the last 3 years. I have 2 kids and Im a birth mother to another. Hunter and Matix. Beautiful little boys with an attitude like their mom and a temper like their dad. What a joy they will be in their teenage years - completely sarcastic statement there. I am currently renting a space in my sisters bed at my moms and the family guest room of my dads. That is if I am not cloud surfing with my friends Sharay and Kevin or making like the Flintstones and making that bedrock at my mans house! Oh yeah and I have a boyfriend that I kinda think that I love. I really feel like if there is someone worth taking the time to know its definitely him. BUT - he hasn't met the boys yet and I feel like I am not going to completely let my guard down until he meets them. Because if it all boils down to the fact that he cant handle being a person to help me raise those boys like they need to then I don't want to be completely crushed if things just dont work out. And I also have a best friend that I have had my whole entire life and I honestly dont know how I would make it out of this steep spot in my life without her. She is like my rock. I know she will always be there and do whatever she can to help me up when I fall down. Here's to a hundred more years girl! Love you! 

Anyways. I dont know what else to write for today this blogging thing could get pretty interesting. Good night world. 

We.

We are all bodies with a light inside called the soul.
Its how we learned to feel, touch, hold
Onto the little things that never meant more than when you felt them
A feeling so deep you didnt react the way you planned when
You face the tension the passion the irration the sanction.
We learned the first heart break and the pain when
its like your looking through a hole in your chest.
We learned what it was like to be crazy and fearless, a bullet proof vest.
We fall in and out just like the trends,
Just to look cool like all of our friends.
We have an ego that shows and hides
Depending on the people that know our true side.
Its quite amazing to think,
We all are perfect no matter the kinks.
We all have issues no matter the problem
Its how we are different using one another to solve them.
We all have a pen and paper to write the story you live
Its the heart and the blood thats pumping within.
Take that breath and savor the taste
We feel honor with the demons we faced
It just doesnt feel like we are moving with the pace.
The world still spins even if you are standing still
Why not push yourself to your furthest will.
Take the lust we feel in our veins
And drive that sensuality until you go insane.
The sand of time inside us runs out
You cant flip it over just figure out for yourself what life is about.
Make sure to take your own route.

rest easy.

I am used to feeling empty - empty with the sound of my heart pounding in my ear.
I didnt feel alive before so I carved all my fears into my arms just to see the blood to remind me that I still feel.
I fall hard in love I fall head over feet which ends up hanging myself from 10 hundred thousand feet.
I never felt like I knew where I was going, so I wandered lost just with the thought of you knowing. One day I will be found and one day I will feel something more than the ground.
The thought of you making a sound, so one day maybe i'll be found..

So Rest easy if your still feeling like something inside is telling you to be friendly.
You havent given up you just fight with this envy, the thought of you making me feel like this is empty.
This soul that I hide just to escape from the reality of being so lonely,
you left me with nothing but the fear that Im holding.

The pain that carries on just a knife in the heart and fear on my back.
I guess they call that satan, I just call it flashbacks.
Maybe I will see what it feels like to breath.
What it feels like to let go of everything.
I use my fingers to type the punches my heart takes.
 Its not long before you find yourself needing a break.
A break from all the hurt and torture,
You feel like your a person your just an imposture.

So, Rest easy if you still feeling like something inside is telling you to be friendly.
I havent given up I just fight with this envy, the thought of you making me feel this empty.
This soul that I hide just to escape from the reality of being so lonely,
you left me with nothing but the fear that Im holding.

My head is spinning cant seem to find a balance now im standing on a 50 foot valance. Thinking out how much its going to hurt when I hit the bottom
fuck it lets jump and see where these problems fit in
with both feet steadily planted on the ground feeling like its going to give in
I am going to be grasping for ground like I am breaths.
You look at me and you see a pretty face all I see is a big mess.
A girl with two kids and not married can you see the soul thats been buried.
 I feel it and grab the only thing that rests between me and the daisies I push.
Its my heart between your fingers you decided to smush.
You think you have me under control the only control you have is
Between the fingers and the palms that I fold
 its not a life if it hasnt been told.
You wont remember me when my soul gets sold
You cant see the hardships inside me that I carry.
So how can you tell me that my life isnt scary.
I lived a thousand plus days and you still dont know me
And I still carrying this life even if its unholy.

So, Rest easy if this life is telling you to be friendly
I havent given up I just fight with this envy,
the thought of you making me feel empty.
This soul that I hide from feeling so lonely
You left me nothing but the fear that im holding.

Ten years from now you wont even rest easy with the thought of me leaving you feeling so empty.
I wish I could open up the lies that you told me and spew them at you like you did to me when you told me.
I cant erase the scars and the fears that you left me with now I am just another sunkin ship in this dark abyss, so rest easy.

So, Rest easy if this life is telling you to be friendly
I havent given up I just fight with this envy,
the thought of you making me feel so empty.
This soul that I hide from feeling so lonely
You left me with nothing but the fear that Im holding.

So, Rest easy,
Yeah boy rest easy.
Rest easy.,,
I know you'll never leave me
So rest easy.